I was married 5 years before I had fibromyalgia - still am, to the same wonderful man. I was also the one to do the chores and take care of things, and it's tough to be the one who needs looking after now. I want so much to be my old, independent self and it's frustrating to be stuck on my tail and helpless and dependent. At first it was very hard to accept help from my husband, I didn't want to be a burden. We've finally reached a point where I can accept his help in the spirit it is offered - with love and kindness. I realize that he doesn't resent me for this, and it helps him feel like he can help me with something. Our partners feel the same helplessness we do, they wish they could take our pain for us. Doing something like carrying the laundry for me or rubbing my neck makes him feel like he can make things a little easier for me - take a little of my pain for me. I still get frustrated with what I can't do, and I feel guilty when he has to do chores after a long day of work. There are ups and downs, and it it a constant process.

I think being a man is harder, because you've probably been taught that the man takes care of his family and cowboy's up when he's not feeling well. You can still be the man for your wife, just a little differently than the way we were raised to think. It helps to let your partner know how much they are helping you, that you appreciate it and your day is a little better because of it. Try to see past your frustration and into the love your wife holds for you that she would care for you this way. When you show your frustration, it can make your partner feel like they have failed you somehow, and it makes them frustrated and sad too. Focus on the love and the things you are still able to do. You can listen to her problems and comfort her. You can kiss her and tell her what a strong and beautiful woman she is. You can rub her feet after a long day. You have the power to make your wife feel feminine and adored.

This isn't to say that you need to stuff your negative feelings, but that you can nurture and increase the positive feelings. I've been focusing on the things you can do for her because these things will help your feelings of powerlessness and frustration diminish. The "manning up" in this situation means accepting the help and expressing your gratitude for it.

I hope this helps, it's how I've kept my marriage happy and somewhat sane. Every morning when I wake up I am grateful for the man sleeping beside me. It's a nice way to live.