Thanks, Zanne. You nailed it. These docs prescribe this shit because the pharmacy reps bring their staff sushi on Fridays, and not necessarily because they have a complete understanding of side-effects and whatnot. They don't always know what its *really* like to come off this stuff.

As expected, my detox has pretty much sucked. I called around and got pre-authorization from my insurance to go to a in-patient 7-10 day medical detox facility. They were supposed to put me on suboxone, then taper me off the suboxone. Well, on day 2, when I was really feeling like shit, my insurance calls them and had changed their mind. They then said they would only pay for 3 days and the rest was going to be out-of-pocket at $1,500 a day because I was only opioid dependent and not an addict..

So, I basically got my ass kicked to the curb on day 3 with a bunch of prescriptions for shit I have never taken before and little to no solid plan on how I'm supposed to proceed.

The suboxone works very well at controlling the side-effects, but later I read it too is an opiate from which I will have to detox. WTF?

So now I'm trying to taper off the suboxone. The PM doc from the clinic has not returned my calls. He's over 1 hour away and I've only seen him once for about 30 minutes.

Aside from the debilitating stomach cramps, I'm a total fucking emotional wreck. One moment I'm hyper-vigilant and cleaning windows, then a tsunami of depression slams down on the top of my head. suddenly I'm alone, drowning in self-pity and re-experiencing every memory of despair and hopelessness my brain can excavate . My wife and son are on holiday and I'm going insane alone in my house feeling, pissed, scared, horny, vulnerable, full of rage, sorrow, an overwhelming sense of compassion, and then grief. And sometimes all at once. This must be the 'maddness' to which you were referring, Zanne.

I'm not used to this kind of ride. Usually I'm pretty much even-Steven, aside from the back pain.

I know dissolving a suboxone under my tongue will fade this chaos back to clarity, but don't want to prolong the inevitable.

On another note, I will say that my back pain levels are at an all time low. So far it does seem that the slow-release opiates were, in fact, making the pain worse. Pain medicine causing more pain. What a fucking racket.

Thanks for listening.

amen to that Zanne

The horrible experience of Stanford Pain Clinic, Ivy League Disappointment, was awful from start to present. The 5 year wait to get in was the best part.
Eventually, it became clear my Dr was only inrterested in cutting meds. It wasn't just more important than recovery, lowering pain, quality of life, ability to wear clothing or hold down food, wasn't a concern AT ALL.

Every visit, I had to write out what I was prescribed, how it was prescribed, and how I was taking it. And bring all bottles and pills.
Then, before even looking at me, much less asking me about my health the PhD would ask, how many mgs are you on?

I cut 25% in 3 weeks. It was easy for me. Not because I have any qualities, just lucky this time. I am the worst about taking pills. Takes a helluva lot to get me to do it. So not taking 'em came naturally.

The pain is hard, there are good people helping me now, lots of meditation, and herbs.

werd

I'm pretty well experienced with too many drs spread along the best coast; SF Bay, PdX, Vancouver BC, and then some in South Carolina.


not a beautiful struggle

getting there tho'

closer everyday