ROOOOAAAAAARRRR!


ooh. thanks. cathartic.

Its terribly lonely to be in pain for years and years regardless of how many people live in or near your life. Its impossible for people whom haven't felt this first hand to imagine what its like, and honestly I think after a while outsiders don't like to hear about it anymore.

I go to the grocery store and the bagger asks me, "How are you doing today?" I know they are just going through the motions and really couldn't care less. I smile when I can, but have learned better and stopped answering that fucking question from strangers.

Lurking around here and re-reading this thread for the millionth time helps me. It helps me because (this is a little embarrassing) while I hardly know any of you, the fact that we are here and reading each-other's words makes me feel like I'm part of a community of people who can actually understand what I'm going through. When I have extremely bad days, I lay in pain and think about what I've read on the pain tribe. I think about these posts and I don't feel quite as alone. It gives me a little hope.

Hang in there, Mermaid.